fiercezucchini:

those feelings when you want a relationship

but you don’t

but you do

but you don’t

(via temporum-volat)

64px:

funandflirtynog:

SNAKES DONT HAVE ARMS? THEY CANT GO BOWLING

fuck. there goes my snake bowling team, fuck this

(Source: lizardmultitude, via m--a--d--n--e--s--s)

the-masters-fallen-angel:

geobytes:

My grandma would always x out people in her yearbook and write “Deceased” when one of her high school classmates died. We often found it morbid. Grandma wanted to be the last one living. She wanted to win.

That’s not a yearbook.

That’s a hit list.

(via mapleslattes)

xld:

I need a hug or 6 shots of vodka

(via stop)

drewmichaelchadwicksbutt:

YOU KNOW YOURE IN TOO DEEP WHEN YOU PICTURE YOURSELF SNUGGLING IN BED NEXT TO THEM OR WHEN YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING FUN AND WISH THEY WERE THERE TO SHARE THAT MOMENT WITH YOU OR THE WORST IS WHEN YOU SEE SOMETHING AND THINK OH THEY WOULD LIKE THAT

(via mkaybyeee)

thevoicecalledcheesecake:

I would never let my kids watch the orchestra, too much sax and violins.

(via hate)

howunpleasant:

friday at school i heard some girl in the hall way scream “FOR THE LAST TIME BITCH IM LESBIAN IM NOT TRYING TO STEAL YOUR BOYFRIEND HE SMELLS LIKE KETCHUP ANYWAYS”

(Source: grossmidousuji, via seanp0donnell)

sighquil:

blastortoise:

Death by beyblades

Let it r.i.p.

(Source: blastortoise-chan, via seanp0donnell)

zootedboy:

*black couple living in a haunted house*

wife: the house haunted

husband: we out this bitch

*everybody lives*

(via asian)

fuckinq:

I went jogging this morning and i noticed a guy was following me and i was so scared lmfao my heart was pounding and then he finally caught up to me and said “hey you dropped 50 bucks” and i took it and started running and while i’m running i’m laughing because the 50 dollars didn’t belong to me

(via takemeback-)

t1m3l0rdh4nj1:

Having a pet is so weird. Like neither of you speak each other’s language and yet you form some strong bond by rubbing against each other and sleeping together and you might accidentally kick them in the face or step on their tail once in a while but at the end of the day you two are best buddies from entirely different species.

(via slutwhat)

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

nick nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES FRIEND

FLOOR IT?

NICK NO

HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND

NICK YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN

I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES

NICK P L E A S E

(via cringing)